mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something
my dad has literally called me by his own name.
When your teacher puts their hand on your shoulder
dentist: *shoots you* you’re bleeding b/c you dont floss
i dialed 666 and it rang twice and then went to voicemail??? the devil fckin SAW that i was calling, decided i wasn’t worth his time, and hit decline???? wow. fuck a fake friend where ya real friends at…………….
mom: were gonna have mcdonalds for dinner
*flicks holy water on you* leave
wow i really got around on the second day of school
i met her once and I’ve never smoked anything
…I don’t even drink alcohol
i’m a socially awkward virgin and i’m 99% sure that wasn’t gospel music
i don’t even have her number????????????
When you kiss your teeth at your parents then try to play it off